When I was young, my Mother always said that it was important to remain pure until I was married. But she left it there. She never explained to me the benefits both physically, mentally and spiritually of entering a marriage pure. And because I never truly understood it, the idea was never mine, I never Owned the belief, I just heard it, it never became a part of me...and so as I grew older.....well you know.
So one day, a few years after I had a child of my own, a lady from my church had a class on Courtship and I had not ever heard of courtship so I went. And it was the answer that I wish I had been given when I was young. But saying that, the way courtship was presented to me that day are not the exact courtship principals that I teach to my children. I modified it to meet the needs that I had when I was young, knowing that my past and the lady who presented her version of courtship's past were as different as night and day. I knew I needed to go a little deeper when reaching my children because I was sure that wild blood was hereditary. What I didn't know then was that sin was what was really hereditary. So for the next few posts I will explain Courtship by Sunshine.
What courtship is, is very important to understand. You have to understand that it is a way of life, a standard of belief, a set of principals, a map to a marriage. It points toward the marital relationship not away from it. It is not a set of Do Nots, but a list of Do's. There are plenty of do nots but there are equally alot of do's. It is the path toward a relationship that will be safe and kind to both of the young people involved. But it is also something that the parents have to commit to teaching because this is something that must be taught regularly, not just once and then never spoken of again. It has to become the child's belief or it will not work and may instill rebellion. And it is never to something that is spoken of in self righteousness or pride. It is too volatile a subject for someone to have pride in. Courtship is humbling in that you find your weaknesses exposed to yourself and family. This can separate or bond a family.
One thing that I learned while mentoring young girls and men for several years in our church was that even the kids who claim to belong to Christ, still were drawn to immodest dress and relationships that were not good for them at an early age. Now being from original sin with a sin nature (and I know that will set some people off who don't believe that) this I found to be natural and not something to shame the kids with. Because when you are young you may not have a firm hold on your feelings and unless you are Martin Luther or James Dobson, who claimed salvation at age 3, this is understandable. As adults and parents in these kids life it is our responsibility to help them talk to us and that takes trust. Trust is established I have found by not showing shock or disapointment when we are confided in. Also do not judge others harshly in front of our kids. If they hear you judging and being mean about someone's failures they surely are not going to trust their sins to you for fear that you will treat them the same. So prepare your relationship with your child before you broach the subject of courtship with them. Make sure that you are able to talk with them. Let them know that you want to share something that is for their good. Because that is the truth. Staying pure is beneficial to your child heath and future marriage. You have to be able to broach this subject with them in a gentle and a loving way. Or they won't listen to you just to spite you. They will regret it but some kids will spite you to prove a point and most of the time it is the kids of the self righteous people who have children that rebel.
Smile at your child every day 10 times a day for 2 weeks before you begin teaching them about courtship.
First, after you do the 2 week smile, you need to to find a quiet time that you know you will not be disturbed for at 30 minutes. Really I would spend no longer on this that amount of time. And you should do it at least by age 10. I have actually been speaking to my 8 yr old since she was 5, but in very limited terms. She really doesn't know what it means but knows that she is going to do Courtship for her marriage. She knows that it means no boyfriends at all and that when she does get a boyfriend it will be toward marriage.
That is the next step, talking about relationships with very young and not so young kids.
So one day, a few years after I had a child of my own, a lady from my church had a class on Courtship and I had not ever heard of courtship so I went. And it was the answer that I wish I had been given when I was young. But saying that, the way courtship was presented to me that day are not the exact courtship principals that I teach to my children. I modified it to meet the needs that I had when I was young, knowing that my past and the lady who presented her version of courtship's past were as different as night and day. I knew I needed to go a little deeper when reaching my children because I was sure that wild blood was hereditary. What I didn't know then was that sin was what was really hereditary. So for the next few posts I will explain Courtship by Sunshine.
What courtship is, is very important to understand. You have to understand that it is a way of life, a standard of belief, a set of principals, a map to a marriage. It points toward the marital relationship not away from it. It is not a set of Do Nots, but a list of Do's. There are plenty of do nots but there are equally alot of do's. It is the path toward a relationship that will be safe and kind to both of the young people involved. But it is also something that the parents have to commit to teaching because this is something that must be taught regularly, not just once and then never spoken of again. It has to become the child's belief or it will not work and may instill rebellion. And it is never to something that is spoken of in self righteousness or pride. It is too volatile a subject for someone to have pride in. Courtship is humbling in that you find your weaknesses exposed to yourself and family. This can separate or bond a family.
One thing that I learned while mentoring young girls and men for several years in our church was that even the kids who claim to belong to Christ, still were drawn to immodest dress and relationships that were not good for them at an early age. Now being from original sin with a sin nature (and I know that will set some people off who don't believe that) this I found to be natural and not something to shame the kids with. Because when you are young you may not have a firm hold on your feelings and unless you are Martin Luther or James Dobson, who claimed salvation at age 3, this is understandable. As adults and parents in these kids life it is our responsibility to help them talk to us and that takes trust. Trust is established I have found by not showing shock or disapointment when we are confided in. Also do not judge others harshly in front of our kids. If they hear you judging and being mean about someone's failures they surely are not going to trust their sins to you for fear that you will treat them the same. So prepare your relationship with your child before you broach the subject of courtship with them. Make sure that you are able to talk with them. Let them know that you want to share something that is for their good. Because that is the truth. Staying pure is beneficial to your child heath and future marriage. You have to be able to broach this subject with them in a gentle and a loving way. Or they won't listen to you just to spite you. They will regret it but some kids will spite you to prove a point and most of the time it is the kids of the self righteous people who have children that rebel.
Smile at your child every day 10 times a day for 2 weeks before you begin teaching them about courtship.
First, after you do the 2 week smile, you need to to find a quiet time that you know you will not be disturbed for at 30 minutes. Really I would spend no longer on this that amount of time. And you should do it at least by age 10. I have actually been speaking to my 8 yr old since she was 5, but in very limited terms. She really doesn't know what it means but knows that she is going to do Courtship for her marriage. She knows that it means no boyfriends at all and that when she does get a boyfriend it will be toward marriage.
That is the next step, talking about relationships with very young and not so young kids.
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2 comments:
Excellent! Please submit this to Legacy of Home Carnival so that others can read this: http://thelegacyofhome.blogspot.com/2011/04/christian-home-issue-11
Reading from The Christian Home - I appreciate your testimony. We are teaching our children courtship as well - and I love your approach. I am following you now and looking forward to reading your courtship posts.
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