Friday, December 10, 2010

Useless Days

I hate being sick. But it seems that at least 5 days a month, and that is minimum, are spent in bed. I have migraines that debilitate me to the point that I cannot get out of bed except to throw up. Nice huh? I hope you aren't eating breakfast or anything, sorry for being so graphic! But there it is, I waste several days a month in bed. You say there are medications for that out there and you are right. But some of them don't work on severe migraines and some of them are too dangerous to take. I happen to be one of the rare people who read the insert in the medicine box. You know, the one that tells you the outcome of the clinical tests. Some of the reading is scarier than a Stephen King novel. But the migraine ones are the ones that scare me.

My father died at age 51, an  age that is sneaking up on me in the next decade, of heart failure after years of heart disease that started in his 30's. My uncles, his brothers, have all had heart disease and multiple bypass surgeries. My grandmother died of heart disease. So I am thinking that gives me a history of heart disease in my immediate family right? Maybe I am wrong but that kinda lines up with the warnings on the box that say "do not take if there is a history of heart disease in your family". But according to the logic of a neurologist here in Savannah, Georgia, that is just in theory. Theory huh? I guess the people who died a sudden death in the clinical trials after taking the meds are just dead in theory right? Absurd. But yet this is the position most physicians take. Well, it won't happen to my patients because it is easier for me to write a prescription in the 10 minutes I allotted you for  your insurance payment of 190.00 and if I take any more time with you I will not meet my quota of several thousand a day income I need for my lifestyle. So take a pill and run along like a good girl and let Dr. take the next patient. Yeah, I may sound a little bitter here. But I know that I have 3 kids that depend on me and  I will not take cocaine or drive while drinking much less take a prescription pill that will risk my life also. Call me paranoid.

So here I am , without any investigation into why I get these migraines on specific days of the month, like say those definite hormonal fluctuation days that I can chart, and am told to take a dangerous pill. So I suffer each month because being in bed for 48 hours is preferable than risking a sudden heart attack. Hopefully, one day I will find a doctor that will look into this but I will probably hit menopause and stop having migraines before they do, cause doctors are a little too busy to worry about a woman's headache.

And then here I am sick with a rancorous cold that makes my eyes and face burn, along with exhaustion and a need to sleep 12 hours at a time. It is 1pm EST and I am in bed writing this. My kids are at the inlaws, getting no school done because no one knows how to open a book unless I tell them it seems! But that is the way of the world isn't it? We usually have to be made to to do the unpleasant things. And school is not fun unless Mama is teaching it. So, no school accomplished. It is Christmas time and there are no presents being bought, no groceries being hunted and gathered, no Christmas mantle being put up or any cookies being baked. 2 days in the bed, wasted. How do you recuperate from wasted days? You don't get a make up day in life do you?
So I see that in the future, as in tomorrow, I will be running around like a chicken with her head cut off if I am able to leave this bed of sickness. Also, washing the bedsheets along with the other loads of laundry that didn't get washed these last 2 days and cleaning the house that looks like a gang of villains used it as their hideout. All to make up for the useless days I spent in bed sick.

There is no use in complaining, all the work will be doubled, I will be weak feeling and probably grumpy which will be my responsibility not to inflict on my innocent children who have been deprived of my presence for the last 2 days, maybe 3 if I don't start feeling better. But I hope you heard in this long post of complaining the blessings. No? You can't see them clearly? I didn't sound thankful at all? I am sorry, let me tell you how I really feel.

My life is blessed because I am:

Living in a country where I can pick up the phone and go to a doctor.
Have a life long enough to go through menopause
Having the freedom to say that I don't agree with my doctor and choose another
Having a home to live in
Having children to miss me when I am in bed sick
Having decorations to decorate my house with
Having money to go grocery shopping
Having an abundance of food to shop for without limits
Having a bed to sleep in that has covers and pillows
Having the health to be able to do the chores that are ahead of me
Having a Savior to celebrate His birth
there are more blessings, like having a washer and dryer, a dishwasher, a car to go shopping in and others of the ilk but the most important one is the last one because without Him, I would have no other blessings. He is the keeper, the founder and giver of all blessings. I am so grateful that I was born in America, that I have the ability to work, to have a family and home. I have to remember this as I look at the mess the kids made attending to their needs while I couldn't and be grateful that they had everything they needed. God could have so easily put me in another country, living in a mud hut, praying for enough rice and clean water to feed my kids. I probably would be dead by now at my age, or killed in an insurgency but God was gracious and gave me a life of ease compared to millions of others in the world. Why? Why was I chosen for this life and allowed the luxuries of plenty? I am not rich by any means and we struggle to pay for our bills and extras but there is always enough to eat, the ability to work and the freedom of expressing anything we desire. I live a protected life, even in this sickbed, I am blessed. This I pray that I remember everyday.  There really are no useless days if you remember everything that you are given by Him.

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