Have You Heard?

I heard something today.
 Oh yes, I am sure that you will want to pray.

For this person. This person that I heard something about. We know her, have a for a while, oh yes you know her too. You won't believe it, but maybe you will because you know, she was always a little, well, you know. So I heard that she is is doing such and such. And is participating with such and such kind of people. Yes, terrible isn't it. We really must pray for her. And her family, who you know, they can't help it if she is like that. I guess that child is lucky to be so gifted in that area in spite of her, because you know after I tell you what I heard, you know it couldn't be because she was a good Christian mother they excel in that.  I have been struggling about whether to tell so and so about her and what I heard is going on. I guess it would not be a Christian thing to do to let so and so keep thinking she is a good mentor or good influence in her kids life. We have to be careful you know. With that kind of thing. We better not tell her about the get together now. Because we are Christians and we should protect each other. Yes, I heard she left her church, wonder where she will go now? Probably no where if what I heard was right because she must not really be that strong in her faith if all that is going on her life. Yes we really must pray for her. Oh look, there is so and so now! I better go let so and so  know what is going on in her life, so we can pray for her. That would be the Christian thing to do wouldn't it?



Proverbs 16:28
Galations 6:2

Courtship - Part 2

My son does not like for me to say to people who do not know us "we believe in courtship or that we practice courtship" because so many people interpret the word Courtship  in so many different ways. So maybe I will call it Purposeful Acquaintance? I don't like Dating with a Purpose. One because it sounds so cliche and also because I don't like what dating means. Dating is temporary. What I believe in is lasting. By the time the couple is going out together alone, they are engaged. And when I say alone, that is relative because they are never alone, they are always in public. 

So, I don't know what I will call this, but for now I will just continue.

As I read my last post I realize that this may take a while. But is it important. Probably one of the most important things that you can do for your children besides teaching them in the instruction and admonition of the Lord. 

Ephesians 6:4 tells us 

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

I want to point out the "provoke your children to anger" part of that verse. To teach your child something that requires self discipline, control and patience, you have to have their heart. If you are demanding and controlling in this matter, you will lose their heart and provoke their rebellion or anger. You can say all day long that is not the way your child should react but you must remember a few things. No one likes to be told what to do, how to do something and especially how to do something that affects their life in such a personal way as finding a spouse. 

And secondly, you must remember that we are natural rebels. We rebelled against a perfect parent, one who treats us with nothing but patience and everlasting love. Yet we sin and are hard headed in His instruction.  But not only for Christians but for the unbeliever or the agnostic, your children will not receive your interference lightly in this matter either. Unless you have their heart. And I realize that people other than Christians, want what is best for their child and may be exploring what courtship or abstinence means in a relationship, so I will try to make this non believer friendly too without, hopefully sounding like a Preacher!

One of the best things we can teach our children is self control and self discipline. It is not always easy especially if you have not been taught this yourself. I was not taught self discipline. I had to learn it in my 30's and now in my 40's I am starting to learn it some more! Control over yourself is invaluable as it protects you. That is the main point that I started out with for my children. "This is for your good.  It will help you, it will protect you, not only your body but your mind, your heart and your time."

I started off  in this manner because my purpose was to protect my children from mistakes, from heartache, from impurity of mind and soul and to protect their body which is too young for sex, much less the things that come with promiscuity. Disease, denigrating of self worth, a bad reputation, usually alcohol and drugs become a part of that lifestyle. There really isn't anything in that lifestyle that is worth letting my child start off their life, their young life being  caught up in the "boy friend - girl friend " drama. It never ended well for me and I have yet to see it end well for in the majority of the teen boy friend/girlfriend relationships. I have yet to meet anyone who said "wow I am glad I dated him/her. It will give me such insight into my marriage one day". Nope, I must say I have yet to hear that one.

 So as we teach self control and discipline we can naturally start our introduction into the belief of courtship. I have decided that for my own purposes I will tell you what I believe in and have labeled Courtship.

 We purpose to wait until we are of marriageable age before allowing ourselves to consider someone for a relationship that is at all times headed towards marriage.

Yes, towards marriage. We are not going to have a few boyfriends or girlfriends to see what it is like in a relationship. God made one woman for one man. He didn't make Eve, Shirley and Gabrielle for Adam to date and then pick the one that Adam liked best or had the best time with.  He made Eve, for Adam and I believe that God has one person for each of us if it is His will that we marry. And sometimes it is not. But assuming that He has someone for my child, I will guide my child and help them take the right steps towards the right decision.
It is without question, because I have been saying it since he was 12 and my other 2 were born,  you are going to search for a spouse not a girlfriend, or boyfriend. My kids will have already have had plenty of girl friends and boy friends. I hope you see the difference in spelling that I used. They are friends that are girls and friends that are boys.

That brings me to what happens when your child starts to like someone a little more than others. I will discuss that in my next post.

So to recap so far, the first thing you have to do is purpose in your heart to teach this in a loving manner that is not dictatorial. It has to be your child's belief ultimately, so you have to decide how you will approach it. Start with alot of smiling and loving attitudes toward your child. Your child has to know that you love them and want what is best. If this takes you a while it will be worth it because you have to change your own heart before you can affect someone else's.

You also have to make sure that you have taught self discipline and self control in other areas of their lives, not just this. If you have the attitude of  "my child can make his own choices in everything" from clothing, what they eat and what time they go to bed, then you must understand this may come as a shock to your child. I am not saying it cannot be done, but I want to hear how you did it!

Next, be purposeful, tell your child that you believe that it is best for your child to avoid the boyfriend/girlfriend lifestyle and then tell them why.  Some of my reasons are that your heart belongs to your future wife/husband, you are too young for that kind of pressure and I also pose the question what does it accomplish? A relationship at this point in their lives would hinder their freedom to pursue their own interests because they would always have to answer to someone else.

  Know that as they get older they are going to have crushes. It is up to you to help them through this. I will tell you how I handled it with my son and intend to handle it with my daughters. And believe me, I know they are completely different situations. But it doesn't have to be difficult. Not if you have their heart.

Courtship

When I was young, my Mother always said that it was important to remain pure until I was married. But she left it there. She never explained to me the benefits both physically, mentally and spiritually of entering a marriage pure. And because I never truly understood it, the idea  was never mine, I never Owned the belief, I just heard it, it never became a part of me...and so as I grew older.....well you know.

   So one day, a few years after I had a child of my own, a lady from my church had a class on Courtship and I had not ever heard of courtship so I went. And it was the answer that I wish I had been given when I was young. But saying that, the way courtship was presented to me that day are not the exact courtship principals that I teach to my children. I modified it to meet the needs that I had when I was young, knowing that my past and the lady who presented her version of courtship's past were as different as night and day. I knew I needed to go a little deeper when reaching my children because I was sure that wild blood was hereditary. What I didn't know then was that sin was what was really hereditary. So for the next few posts I will explain Courtship by Sunshine.

What courtship is, is very important to understand. You have to understand that it is a way of life, a standard of belief, a set of principals, a map to a marriage. It points toward the marital relationship not away from it. It is not a set of Do Nots, but a list of Do's. There are plenty of do nots but there are equally alot of do's. It is the path toward a relationship that will be safe and kind to both of the young people involved. But it is also something that the parents have to commit to teaching because this is something that must be taught regularly, not just once and then never spoken of again. It has to become the child's belief or it will not work and may instill rebellion. And it is never to something that is spoken of in self righteousness or pride. It is too volatile a subject for someone to have pride in. Courtship is humbling in that you find your weaknesses exposed to yourself and family. This can separate or bond a family.


  One thing that I learned while mentoring young girls and men for several years in our church was that even the kids who claim to belong to Christ, still were drawn to immodest dress and relationships that were not good for them at an early age. Now being from original sin with a sin nature (and I know that will set some people off who don't believe that) this I found to be natural and not something to shame the kids with. Because when you are young you may not have a firm hold on your feelings and unless you are Martin Luther or James Dobson, who claimed salvation at age 3, this is understandable. As adults and parents in these kids life it is our responsibility to help them talk to us and that takes trust. Trust is established I have found by not showing shock or disapointment when we are confided in. Also do not judge others harshly in front of our kids. If they hear you judging and being mean about someone's failures they surely are not going to trust their sins to you for fear that you will treat them the same. So prepare your relationship with your child before you broach the subject of courtship with them. Make sure that you are able to talk with them. Let them know that you want to share something that is for their good. Because that is the truth. Staying pure is beneficial to your child heath and future marriage. You have to be able to broach this subject with them in a gentle and a loving way. Or they won't listen to you just to spite you. They will regret it but some kids will spite you to prove a point and most of the time it is the kids of the self righteous people who have children that rebel.

 Smile at your child every day 10 times a day for 2 weeks before you begin teaching them about courtship.

First, after you do the 2 week smile, you need to to find a quiet time that you know you will not be disturbed for at 30 minutes.  Really I would spend no longer  on this that amount of time. And you should do it at least by age 10. I have actually been speaking to my 8 yr old since she was 5, but in very limited terms. She really doesn't know what it means but knows that she is going to do Courtship for her marriage. She knows that it means no boyfriends at all and that when she does get a boyfriend it will be toward marriage.

That is the next step, talking about relationships with very young and not so young kids. 

Death of a Friend

Steve was my husband's friend. I met him during the first year of our marriage 23 years ago. He had the same birth date as my husband exactly 10 years older than him. Back then, we all drank very heavily and did a lot of boating and outdoor playing. Over the years we all stuck together as people died from accidents and families lost parents (me) and babies were born. Steve loved our kids and treated them like his own as did his wife. She was devoted to Steve and their only son was the light of their life. 10 years ago his kidneys failed and he was put on the transplant list. I remember thinking , we should have been more careful and said something when he was downing Advils like candy to counteract every pain from his working on cranes to hangovers. He would eat 8 at a time. But being young and not really experienced in spotting things like that we didn't. But we felt the guilt as a collective group of friends when this happened and we stayed close to him during that time before the blessed day of a kidney was found. We had almost lost him many times the 2 years he waited for that call.

Steve used to come by the house sometimes and if my husband wasn't home he would say "let's go get a margarita while we wait for the old man". And he would take me and my young son out to get one. He was always honorable and a gentleman. A good friend to my husband. When my husband and I separated (which was at least every year), he always treated me the same. Never taking sides, always saying that nobody is perfect.

I became saved during the time that he was waiting for a kidney. He would call me all the time to tell me to pray for him, since God was my friend now. He would ask for specific things and sometimes just a general prayer when he didn't want to elaborate. For years he would call me and and ask me to pray for him. And not to tell anyone. I didn't tell and I did pray. I also told him how to have the privilege of going before the Lord without shame. I told him the Gospel.

After his transplant I didn't see much of him, he started partying again and went back to work. He got his life back. It was wonderful. And occasionally he would call me and ask me to pray. Out of the blue. But it was like we had just seen each other an hour before. I think that is true friendship. You can not talk for ages, but when you see each other, it is like you just walked out the door a minute ago.

I heard about a year ago his kidney failed. His body rejected it and he had to go back on dialysis again daily. How horrible. It was so sad but everyone was optimistic because he had rebounded so well before and they had high hopes of another match. But he got weaker alot faster this time and last night his heart failed him. It had worked too hard.

I don't know if he ever accepted Christ. I haven't seen or had an  opportunity to talk with him in a long time. I do know that he did not call me at all this year to pray for him. That gives me hope that he was able to pray for himself.

My husband is devastated, missing his friend that he saw and talked to often. He had been planning on going by today and taking him to the races. He went alone, with red eyes from crying.  And I wonder  if he will wonder where Steve is spending eternity and then think about where he w. 

Son's and Birthdays

     I have a 20 year old. Yes I do. I keep telling myself that. Although his actual birthday isn't until the 17th, he is still going to be 20 in a few days. So, I did what all mothers of twenty somethings should do:

 I  bought him an afternoon flying a plane. Yes I did.

    Don't shriek, my Mother in Law already did that. But after carefully listening to my reasons for doing this crazy thing, she conceded, that yes, you are only young once, he is flying the nest soon and should really have lessons. Plus, he loves to fly and I wanted to be the one to give that to him. Selfish I know. But there will be so few things I can give him in the near future, things that his Wife and children will want to do for him, I want to savor these last few years that I am the most important woman in his life.

    I am the one he feels obligated to report to, the one that he wants to have conversations with at midnight and the one that he shares his dreams with. I want to enjoy this time to the fullest. Like life, childhood is a mist, a vapor, a breath that once drawn is exhaled and spent. I wanted to see the child light up in my son's eyes when I said "Guess what we are doing today?". He is mine for now. And as much as I pray for his future Wife and cannot wait to have another daughter to love,  I kinda like being the woman in my son' life right now.

   He had a great time.

Unions and Socialism

http://www.glennbeck.com/2011/03/01/wisconsin-socialist-noodles-company-is-dictatorship/#comment-158376631

In response to this post on Glenn Becks site I wrote this:
Mind boggling stuff this is>

• Unions are not there to tell the owners how to run the company they are there to say "this is what skilled (as in I have been trained, licensed and have a certificate that equals a degree because most of the time it takes 4 to 5 years to earn the certificate) labor costs. If you want skilled labor, trained, guaranteed labor then this is the cost of hiring us. Otherwise go rat and get some mexican or high school dropout who can't read a blueprint to do this job. That is what the labor unions do. Where the problem has come in is just like the government, the union organizers have decided that they deserved 3 to 4 times the average pay of their workers for finding the work. And they are corrupt. Just like the government's leaders, the union leaders have corrupted the unions. You don't complain when a company negotiates for salaries with employees they are considering hiring. You just have a problem that the employees wear a hard hard hat and not wear suits. You don't have a problem with minimum wage do you? That is demanding fair wages for workers. Trouble is minimum wage won't support you. You cannot live on your own, much less support children on minimum wage. It takes food stamps and government assistance for that. IF minimum wage was a true living wage, one that could pay rent, utilities, groceries, car insurance, health insurance (don't even get me started on that racket of paying for nothing every month and then get penalized for using it government sponsored racketeering) and the occasional coffee then we wouldn't need unions would we?
  
  
  But wait you scream at the top of your capitalist voice (a system that I staunchly support and vote Republican because it is the lesser of two evils, not because I believe in them) we are talking about TEACHER"S UNIONS. And those teachers are not producing the best and brightest so they dont' DESERVE high wages. I understand you point precisely. With a pipefitter or carpenter, they have to produce a perfect product or get fired. And teachers have "Tenure". Yeah, that is a problem. They have tenure and can basically sit on their butts all day while little Johnny and little Rita play all day. Learning nothing. Governmentally sanctioned. Sucks doesn't it. Cause that is what alot of Congressmen do. And Senators. But as their are not that many qualified people to take their place, just nut cases like O'Donnel and Farakhan, or maybe a Kennedy. And their are not a lot of people lining up to take Mrs. Teacher's place because everyone knows that kids who have a distinct lack of parenting and daycare babies who are just out for "what's mine" are what is really is wrong with the school system. Teacher's show up every day ready to teach. But it is a rare kid who shows up at school ready to learn. The teacher's can not teach a child who is combative, lazy, knows that their parents will curse out the teacher or worse they don't have a parent who cares whether they learn or not. The public schools serve the poor because the rich put their children in private school. Where the school makes the rules, not the parents, government or kids. Where you learn or you are kicked out. Where gangs are not allowed and neither is your baggy pants. Your tank tops and your weapons. But schools, where these teachers risk their lives each day that you are screaming don't deserve to get paid well, are a right now and not a privilege. Where all socialization and morals are taught or really not taught in an atmosphere of no accountability because when they took the authority of God out of school they took the morals and the accountability out. There is no threat of hell and a terrible life for the loser in school, he is actually looked up to now because they dont' have anyone else. It is not the teacher's fault that little johnny can't read, it is because little johnny's mother has to work and is too tired to do homework with him and he couldn't do it at school because they were too busy having "feelings day for gay and lesbians" or "Allah is our friend's religion" day. Instead of learning algebra, Lester was at the back of the class watching porn on his i-pod and the teacher is too scared of him, he is 20 and the leader of a gang, to tell him to stop.
  The problem isn't the teachers, it is the kids, the parents and the government who are screwing up our educational system. It was great system before everyone had to have a say in it. You can't have a bunch of chiefs and no indians. Someone has to be in charge and that person has to have the authority to lead. Unions are threatening small businesses or big corporations, the government has done that. Unions are trying to keep food on the table for the middle class. Otherwise the rich would devour the middle and lower classes. That is how unions were born. Slave wages to the workers. Now like the government, unions have become corrupt at the top. NOT the workers, not the people. Now when the brilliant minds like Glenn Beck come up with a way to fix that we will have Utopia that the little socialist wants.

Honey Oat Bread

I am feeling too grumpy to post. I will write another post (and I say another because last night I wrote a 5 paragraph one and accidentally deleted it...grrrrr) explaining what an awful mother I was on the last day in Atlanta yesterday. But today I made this......and it is Good!
 It is printing funny. Sorry I am technically challenged.

Honey Oat Bread

1 3/4 cups warm water (105°F to 110°F)

1 tablespoon dry yeast

3/4 cup quick-cooking oats

1/3 cup honey

3 tablespoons vegetable oil

2 1/2 teaspoons salt

5 cups (about) all purpose flour

Stir 1/4 cup warm water and yeast in large bowl. Let stand 10 minutes to dissolve yeast. Stir in remaining 1 1/2 cups water, 3/4 cup oats, honey, oil, and salt. Stir in enough flour to form soft dough. Coat another large bowl with oil. Transfer dough to oiled bowl and turn to coat. Cover with plastic wrap, then kitchen towel and let rise at room temperature until doubled in volume, about 1 hour.

Oil two 8 1/2x4 1/2x2 1/2-inch loaf pans. Punch down dough; shape into 2 loaves. Place 1 loaf in each pan. Cover and let rise in warm draft-free area until almost doubled in volume, about 20 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350°F.  Bake until brown on top and tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 40 minutes. Cool completely. (Can be prepared up to 1 day ahead. Store airtight at room temperature.)

I also made Hot Teriaki Wings, broccoli, baked sweet potato and Apple Pear Cobbler. My kids are still eating the bread. Will they ever go to bed?