Son's and Birthdays

     I have a 20 year old. Yes I do. I keep telling myself that. Although his actual birthday isn't until the 17th, he is still going to be 20 in a few days. So, I did what all mothers of twenty somethings should do:

 I  bought him an afternoon flying a plane. Yes I did.

    Don't shriek, my Mother in Law already did that. But after carefully listening to my reasons for doing this crazy thing, she conceded, that yes, you are only young once, he is flying the nest soon and should really have lessons. Plus, he loves to fly and I wanted to be the one to give that to him. Selfish I know. But there will be so few things I can give him in the near future, things that his Wife and children will want to do for him, I want to savor these last few years that I am the most important woman in his life.

    I am the one he feels obligated to report to, the one that he wants to have conversations with at midnight and the one that he shares his dreams with. I want to enjoy this time to the fullest. Like life, childhood is a mist, a vapor, a breath that once drawn is exhaled and spent. I wanted to see the child light up in my son's eyes when I said "Guess what we are doing today?". He is mine for now. And as much as I pray for his future Wife and cannot wait to have another daughter to love,  I kinda like being the woman in my son' life right now.

   He had a great time.

Unions and Socialism

http://www.glennbeck.com/2011/03/01/wisconsin-socialist-noodles-company-is-dictatorship/#comment-158376631

In response to this post on Glenn Becks site I wrote this:
Mind boggling stuff this is>

• Unions are not there to tell the owners how to run the company they are there to say "this is what skilled (as in I have been trained, licensed and have a certificate that equals a degree because most of the time it takes 4 to 5 years to earn the certificate) labor costs. If you want skilled labor, trained, guaranteed labor then this is the cost of hiring us. Otherwise go rat and get some mexican or high school dropout who can't read a blueprint to do this job. That is what the labor unions do. Where the problem has come in is just like the government, the union organizers have decided that they deserved 3 to 4 times the average pay of their workers for finding the work. And they are corrupt. Just like the government's leaders, the union leaders have corrupted the unions. You don't complain when a company negotiates for salaries with employees they are considering hiring. You just have a problem that the employees wear a hard hard hat and not wear suits. You don't have a problem with minimum wage do you? That is demanding fair wages for workers. Trouble is minimum wage won't support you. You cannot live on your own, much less support children on minimum wage. It takes food stamps and government assistance for that. IF minimum wage was a true living wage, one that could pay rent, utilities, groceries, car insurance, health insurance (don't even get me started on that racket of paying for nothing every month and then get penalized for using it government sponsored racketeering) and the occasional coffee then we wouldn't need unions would we?
  
  
  But wait you scream at the top of your capitalist voice (a system that I staunchly support and vote Republican because it is the lesser of two evils, not because I believe in them) we are talking about TEACHER"S UNIONS. And those teachers are not producing the best and brightest so they dont' DESERVE high wages. I understand you point precisely. With a pipefitter or carpenter, they have to produce a perfect product or get fired. And teachers have "Tenure". Yeah, that is a problem. They have tenure and can basically sit on their butts all day while little Johnny and little Rita play all day. Learning nothing. Governmentally sanctioned. Sucks doesn't it. Cause that is what alot of Congressmen do. And Senators. But as their are not that many qualified people to take their place, just nut cases like O'Donnel and Farakhan, or maybe a Kennedy. And their are not a lot of people lining up to take Mrs. Teacher's place because everyone knows that kids who have a distinct lack of parenting and daycare babies who are just out for "what's mine" are what is really is wrong with the school system. Teacher's show up every day ready to teach. But it is a rare kid who shows up at school ready to learn. The teacher's can not teach a child who is combative, lazy, knows that their parents will curse out the teacher or worse they don't have a parent who cares whether they learn or not. The public schools serve the poor because the rich put their children in private school. Where the school makes the rules, not the parents, government or kids. Where you learn or you are kicked out. Where gangs are not allowed and neither is your baggy pants. Your tank tops and your weapons. But schools, where these teachers risk their lives each day that you are screaming don't deserve to get paid well, are a right now and not a privilege. Where all socialization and morals are taught or really not taught in an atmosphere of no accountability because when they took the authority of God out of school they took the morals and the accountability out. There is no threat of hell and a terrible life for the loser in school, he is actually looked up to now because they dont' have anyone else. It is not the teacher's fault that little johnny can't read, it is because little johnny's mother has to work and is too tired to do homework with him and he couldn't do it at school because they were too busy having "feelings day for gay and lesbians" or "Allah is our friend's religion" day. Instead of learning algebra, Lester was at the back of the class watching porn on his i-pod and the teacher is too scared of him, he is 20 and the leader of a gang, to tell him to stop.
  The problem isn't the teachers, it is the kids, the parents and the government who are screwing up our educational system. It was great system before everyone had to have a say in it. You can't have a bunch of chiefs and no indians. Someone has to be in charge and that person has to have the authority to lead. Unions are threatening small businesses or big corporations, the government has done that. Unions are trying to keep food on the table for the middle class. Otherwise the rich would devour the middle and lower classes. That is how unions were born. Slave wages to the workers. Now like the government, unions have become corrupt at the top. NOT the workers, not the people. Now when the brilliant minds like Glenn Beck come up with a way to fix that we will have Utopia that the little socialist wants.

Honey Oat Bread

I am feeling too grumpy to post. I will write another post (and I say another because last night I wrote a 5 paragraph one and accidentally deleted it...grrrrr) explaining what an awful mother I was on the last day in Atlanta yesterday. But today I made this......and it is Good!
 It is printing funny. Sorry I am technically challenged.

Honey Oat Bread

1 3/4 cups warm water (105°F to 110°F)

1 tablespoon dry yeast

3/4 cup quick-cooking oats

1/3 cup honey

3 tablespoons vegetable oil

2 1/2 teaspoons salt

5 cups (about) all purpose flour

Stir 1/4 cup warm water and yeast in large bowl. Let stand 10 minutes to dissolve yeast. Stir in remaining 1 1/2 cups water, 3/4 cup oats, honey, oil, and salt. Stir in enough flour to form soft dough. Coat another large bowl with oil. Transfer dough to oiled bowl and turn to coat. Cover with plastic wrap, then kitchen towel and let rise at room temperature until doubled in volume, about 1 hour.

Oil two 8 1/2x4 1/2x2 1/2-inch loaf pans. Punch down dough; shape into 2 loaves. Place 1 loaf in each pan. Cover and let rise in warm draft-free area until almost doubled in volume, about 20 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350°F.  Bake until brown on top and tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 40 minutes. Cool completely. (Can be prepared up to 1 day ahead. Store airtight at room temperature.)

I also made Hot Teriaki Wings, broccoli, baked sweet potato and Apple Pear Cobbler. My kids are still eating the bread. Will they ever go to bed?

   I became infertile over 17 years ago. It is no secret to those who have known me these past 15 years that I wanted a large family. At least 6 children. I have 3 living children but I have tried for the last 9 years to have more. I have paid for 9 more attempts with a specialist because this is how I had my last 2. I had been pregnant 7 times before my last child. Only 3 survived.

   This is the year that I had to accept that I would not have anymore children. It was a death blow to my heart. The knowledge has knocked me in a strong place where I did not know I was vulnerable. I have suffered all the symptoms of clinical depression. It has shaken me in another area that I never had any doubts either. That is the most devastating thing of all I believe. I started to doubt whether God loved me. I do want to stress vehemently that I have never doubted for one minute that He exists. Because faith is a gift from God and he does not take back gifts I have learned. So I have my stronghold of knowledge that God is God. He does exist and he does micromanage our lives.

 But yet I doubted. And for months I cried out in anger, grief and anguish that is only understood by someone who has this same longing. A woman who can have child after child with little effort will not understand the depth of the grief associated with this longing. And many will nor understand why it hurt so much because "you already have 3, many women don't even have that many". And they are right. I am thankful. It is not that I am not thankful but my grief is from something deep inside me that I cannot explain. The father of my children believes that I have been trying to replace my daughter who died 2 weeks before she was due. She would be 22 yrs old this year. But every mother knows you cannot replace any child. Not the one that was still at birth, or the one that never made it to 12 weeks gestation. My grief is my own and I know that it is there. Rational or not. It is there.

  This year, I knew that I had reached the age that I should not try again because if by a miracle I was able to have another child it wouldn't be fair for the child to have a mother 40 something years older than they were. I may not live to see them graduate. I know that possibility is there for every parent but over 40 is pushing it. So I have settled in my heart that I will only have 3 children and that I will put my sole efforts into them. And that knowledge drowned me everyday.

  I cried out everyday for answers from God as to why He withheld His blessings from me yet a child was abused and killed everyday in the hands of heathens and cruel people. I was angry and belligerent to my Heavenly Father in the same manner that I was to my earthly father when he lived. I really tested that family bond with Him.

And Then He Answered.

  You really want an answer from God about these mysteries of suffering and you are sincere with deep and abiding belief that He can answer. But you really doubt He is gonna do it til you get to Heaven. But you pray and rant anyway. Well, the very unexpected happened to me. God answered why I was infertile at age 27. Why, while everyone around me was either pregnant, getting pregnant or trying not to get pregnant, there I was for 17 years, unable to get pregnant naturally. And it came in the form of a 17 year old girl. The day she was born was the month that I tried to get pregnant and couldn't. And never was able to again naturally. My womb was closed unexpectedly after 1 stillborn,  1 wonderful son, and 1 mid term miscarriage. I couldn't conceive.

 And across the nation a little baby was born. This summer I met her. My heart met her and in the process of a 2 hour conversation that God alone orchestrated, I found out why I was infertile. I cannot and I mean because of a promise, tell the details of why my infertility was so important in this young girls life, and why my testimony answered her questions and crying out to the Lord but I assure you, as God assured me, I rested in my affliction that day. As did this young girl. And she left me with a hope that she needed. That God provided on a still road, on a hot summer night with His stars in the sky proclaiming that He alone, God alone is in control of our lives and every second, every thing, every joy and affliction is for His glory so that He can care for His creations.

What a miracle to witness both an answer so profound to both of us, who had never known one another but met for a brief time when our paths crossed and God answered our crying out to Him in this incredible way. How deeply He must love us to know that we can bear one another's burdens and provide through Him comfort and relief.  This is my testimony to His Greatness. His loving kindness to a young girl through me. What a blessing to have been infertile for her. I would not change a thing. I miss the spots where I believe children should be in between, before and after the children I have but God had a greater plan than a large family for me. That would have been easy.That was for other women.

 I have been "the mother of many children" as a barren woman. (Isaiah 54:1) and the bearer of a burden for the comfort of the innocent. How blessed to be chosen to bear this affliction. It will comfort me well into Heaven.

A Useless Life

  Today my heart hurt. I am not sure why, maybe just everything. There are times in your life when you are going through so much internally and you don't want to share it, as it may make someone stumble. You want to let out all that you feel but realize that what you feel isn't that great and it would not only ruin your testimony, but it may make someone else hurt, fear, wonder, or doubt. And you certainly don't want to be responsible for that. But yet you feel..depressed, unloved, useless and a life wasted. So many regrets cram into your mind and your heart is physically overwhelmed to the point where you want to just run. Run from the life you have and beg God to please transport you back in time, let you do it all again with different results.

   But then you look at your children, your life that you have lived and see the most miraculous thing. In all your failures, you had the most wonderful children that without your mistakes would not be who they are today. With every miserable failure, every wrong turn, every mess up and flat out horrible step you took in your life, you molded someone that touches the world. whether 8 or 19 or even 11, your life has produced a life changing chain of events that has helped someone; has reached out in love, compassion, and yes, godliness.

  Your life is a reason to be. If you reach beyond todays pain and uselessness and see that in the years that have been so wasted, someone without a mother was touched and helped by your hand, a child was comforted in an abusive situation, or even rescued from a predator as a result of your diligence and hardheadedness, a life maybe saved, or at least rescued from torturous existence. Maybe it wasn't so bad so far. If this useless, wasted life of daily mistakes has been used by God to raise a warrior for His kingdom, well then, isn't every miserable mistake worth every single solitary second? I haven't begun to see the effects my little, useless life has had. Let these words be true.

1 Corinthians 1:26-29

(26) For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. (27) But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; (28) and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, (29) that no flesh should glory in His presence. 

Promise Me

When my son was around 14 I read an article somewhere, probably in Michael Pearl's publication or Above Rubies or maybe one of Vision Forum's publications about expectations in children. It may have been something else and I really wish I had a decent memory because maybe then you could read the article yourself and get out of it the same thing I did. What I discovered was a Code Statement.

  A Code Statement was something that was a statement that meant something only to you and your child. Or in some families it was a Family Code Statement. Because of the unusual dynamics of my household, things like this were strictly between my kids and me. The statement was a code between you and your child that was the synopsis of everything that you expected and hoped for your child when you were not there. Now the article didn't say this exactly, but you know how when you read something and you get an idea that comes from the basis of what someone else is saying but it is not really what they are saying? Know what I am saying? Sorry, couldn't resist....:))

  Seriously though, I sat down one day and thought about the things that were important to me for my child to do and not do when I was not there to help him. How to resist temptation that the devil makes sure you are 100 miles away from your child before he unleashes it, that kind of temptation. What words could I put in my child's head that would give him strength without him having to take the time to pull out a long list of "Do Not's" and think "well would my Mom want me to do this?" and all that kind of stuff.  So I made a list, and the name of the list was "Promise Me".

It was something like this:

Promise Me that you will not put anything evil in front of your eyes
Promise Me that nothing evil will cross your lips
Promise Me that you will not do anything that you could not do with me watching you
Promise Me that you will not say anything that you would not say in front of me or the Preacher
Promise Me that above all you will think of Jesus Christ before you embark or partake in anything
Promise Me that you will keep your eyes, ears and heart pure at all times.
Promise Me that you will not look at any immodest woman or thing, that your eyes stay pure
Promise Me that you will think and say only what is Godly and pure so that your laughter and fellowship
will be pure and happy.

    This is not the exact list, my son just read it again, he is now 19, almost 20, but it is close. If we find that old battered list I will put it up, but this gives you the gist of it.

  You may think that is alot to put on a 14 year old, but it is not, because way before that age he has been bombarded by imagery, and stories and temptations way beyond what you may think. Even you Godly Homeschoolers young men have things thrown at your child when he is not next to you, sometimes even in the pew next to you. Satan is so devious and he hates your children more than you can know because God loves them so much, he wants to destroy them. And uses any means he can.  So, to give my child strength, in accordance to the scripture, to raise them in the way they should go, I came up with a code statement. And every time he left my presence, whether to go on youth camps, out the door to Boy Scouts or to the homeschool Co-Op or even to his Sunday School class, when my son gave me the mandatory goodbye kiss on the cheek, I would whisper "Promise Me" and he would always say to me, looking me in the eyes, "I Promise".  And I let him go. To go out of my presence, into the world with a promise on his lips to his Mother, who he knew was praying for him constantly. He had all the scriptures memorized and knew that in promising me all these things, that he was in actuality, promising God. It made a difference. This link to my heart, this promise, meant something to my son for many years. And it still does.

   When I put him the plane in the morning and kiss him goodbye as he flies away from me for 6 months to 9 different states working for a ministry to promote the kingdom of God through the equipping of young minds in government, I will whisper "Promise Me" and he will, I have no doubt, look me in the eyes and whisper back "I Promise".

It is is our code statement, not meant for other ears, only our two, a promise to God between us. My promise to God that I will pray for my child and raise him in the Admonition of the Lord, and my child's promise to me that he will live his life for God by following His precepts. It is a blessing to give to your child, something to hold on to when you are not there, something for them to live up to and something for them to stand by when you cannot stand by them.

Limiting Embryonic Stem Cell research and starving children

Limiting Embryonic Stem Cell research and starving children

I read a question from someone in an old Washington Post He asked "why do we limit embryonic stem cell research but let children starve everyday?" I think that is a valid question because all questions signify that the person asking them does not know the answer and wants someone to tell them the answer. So here ya go: It is alot more simple than you are implying. First there are no starving children in the USA. The only cases of children starving are the ones who are under the radar of the local, state and federal authorities not to mention the religious community of every belief. That is a lot of coverage. Any starvation of a child in the USA with all the social programs, faith based programs and just the downright overwhelming generosity of the average American is intentional on the parent or caregiver of said child. That said, I will move on to explain the starvation of children in other countries. There are thousands upon thousands of children either going to bed each night hungry or dying of malnutrition every day. 26,5000 children will die today and everyday for causes that include malnutrition (starvation). According to the www.globalissues.org website over half of the those children are in the sub Saharan portion of Africa, a quarter of them are in South Asia, and the rest except for .1 percent are in Latin American countries. IF you are following that is .1 percent for the Western Industrialized nations. If you will google "feed poor children around the world" what do you get? about 600,000 entries. Knowing that tons of them are probably repeats I will hazard a non scientific guess (and don't cut and paste this comment and allude I am making any other non scientific guesses on anything other than these organization, I need the money and will sue you) that there are around 20,000 legitimate organizations that collect money, clothes and battleship size containers of food to send to the poorest parts of the country. Along with millions of condoms and all forms of birth control. The majority of donations made to all these thousands of companies are made by Americans. I have almost sent the last $10.00 in my checking account after watching one of those heart wrenching commercials with pictures of little children with flies coming out of their mouths. I wanted to slap the parents for having sex too. But then most of them don't know that causes kids. And there you have it: one of the leading causes of overpopulation in the world in starving countries is that the people don't have the basic knowledge of how their bodies work. They live like animals in ignorance and poverty. And in that comes child after child to people unequipped to be parents. This leads to child rape, sexual bondage, sexual trade of children,and trafficking of minors. Because no matter what is going on in a man's life he is a slave to his nether regions and must have sex. Now I can hear you ask: "what does this have to do with the fact that children are starving and it is America's right wing fanatics fault because all they care about are embryos and fetuses?" Well let me tell you Grasshopper... These poverty stricken countries that have millions of tons of food shipped to them every day of the year for the last 25 years since the sensational multi continent concert "LIVE AID" swept the globe and also have had millions upon millions of dollars and people sent to aid them have consistently done the same thing: the governments of these nations have made sure the worldwide aid has not reached there people. They intentionally, make sure you hear me, intentionally and on purpose, with malicious intent and with pure effort, hoard the food, burn it, let it rot or best case scenario, trickle it to the people. Appalling but obviously not a front page sensational story like Brittany Spears shaving her head on a drug/drunken night out. No, as a matter of fact you have to search for the stories. Because if this was put in the mainstream media, all those thousands upon thousands of people who write those checks every month and wait for that picture of little Annoria or Carlos to come in the mail knew that their money was in fact enabling a third world dictator to buy a Rolex instead of feeding a family of 18 for 6 months they would slam the kitty door closed and nail it shut and then no more TV commercials for Juan to persuade the gullible American they can end world poverty with as little as $30.00 a month. There are children starving to death at the rate of 10,000 a day because of selfish, power crazy (remember Saddam Hussien? but I forgot the Liberals said he was really a nice guy once you got to know him and you weren't a citizen of Iraq) and sick cruel Men and I say Men because it is across the board that they are in charge. Women and children in all these countries aren't even allowed to eat unless the man of the house is willing to share his food. Child hungry and crying? tough, a man's gotta eat so he can have sex and make more unwanted children to starve in the streets. So when we are able to go into a country where there are starving children with the freedom to feed them and set the families up with an educational system that leads out of poverty, when we are able to find a government that puts all the free food and money that the world throws at all these nut case countries into their starving and poverty stricken populations, then we will end childhood hunger. We have enough food in America to "Feed the World". But the world won't open their door and let us in.